I Speak Three Languages, But...

Language is something that I, and many others, struggle with everyday.

Today I can proudly write down "fluent in Bahasa Indonesia, English, and German" on my curriculum vitae, and although that may look impressive on paper, the reality is not so simple. That is not to say that what I wrote isn't true, but there definitely is more to the sentence that most people do not even think about.

Coming from Indonesia meant that my mother tongue is Bahasa Indonesia, the national language of my country. However, Indonesia is a diverse country with many ethnicities and local languages. It is estimated that there are over 600 different local languages that are spoken in Indonesia, taking into account the country's varied racial makeup. It is therefore almost impossible to grow up in the country without picking up at least a few phrases or words from the traditional languages. Indeed, most people are fluent in their own traditional language. I just happen to grow up in the capital city, Jakarta, where the local language, Bahasa Betawi, is not widely spoken anymore, nor do we learn it in school, as is often the case with other traditional languages. However, I did had to learn many traditional songs from different parts of the country that are written in their respective languages.

To many people whose first language is not English, being able to speak English is almost a known requirement to be able to even have the chance to dream of succeeding in life and getting a job. It is true for Indonesians too. We had English lesson built into our curriculum from first grade through to the twelfth grade. Interestingly, this does not mean that most students are able to use English effortlessly; in fact, it's quite the opposite is true for those who went to lesser-ranked public schools or schools that are not in the bigger cities in general.

My mother believed that it would be good for my future if I could speak English, and so from first grade I took private english lessons on top of my schooling, for which I am forever grateful. I was very lucky and privileged to be able to afford such lessons in the first place, but my parents went above and beyond, registering me for courses at English First, where twice a week I would get the opportunity to learn and converse with native English speakers.

As a result, I was already using English interchangeably with Bahasa Indonesia by the time I was in seventh grade. Not that combining the two languages in a single sentence earned me any cool point, instead I was deemed a freak; but that is a whole other story. By tenth grade my family moved to the suburbs, and I enrolled in an international school, where the primary language used in lessons were English. To my own surprise, it didn't really take me long to get used to it.

When I decided to study in Germany, it naturally came with a significant caveat. Almost all of bachelor's degree courses in Germany are only offered in German, so I would have to take German lessons and be proficient enough in the language to be able to understand not only the lectures, but also my peers. 

It took me about six months of intensive German courses before I began my preparatory courses in Germany, which is held in German. Again, to my astonishment, it didn't really take me a long time to get used to it. At first it was terrifying; the teachers spoke much to fast, I barely understand a word, and the words that I did catch, I often didn't remember the meaning. But after a year, I had somewhat 

gotten used to it.

When I began my real studies, I still struggled with German. I spoke it, I understand it, but I was terrified to have others not understand me. But since I had little choice, I decided to just be bold and approached the other students anyway, grammatical mistakes and mispronunciation be damned. Though at first my friends said that my accent made it a little hard for them to understand me, now they said I've improved a fair bit. However, I still often have to ask them the meaning of some words or phrases that they used or for them to repeat themselves. Thankfully, they always tried their best to make me understand them.

Now that I have detailed my full language history and everything you've read seem to indicate my fluency in all three languages, you may ask yourself, what then, is my problem?

Soon after I came to Germany, I began to realise that I'm quickly losing my grasp of the other two languages I supposedly have mastered. Often I would remember the German word, but not the English or Indonesian one. This, to me, was horrifying. The same goes for conversations; I would often mix three languages in one sentence without even realising it.

It really has become harder for me to form a complete, coherent sentence in a single language -unless I put great effort and concentration to do so. When I went back to Indonesia to do my internship, I obviously had to speak in a more formal language and not slang, and it was terribly difficult. I had to speak slower so that my brain would hopefully catch up and give me the right words to say, but sometimes I still fail and would use the english equivalent.

It is not only my speaking abilities that have been affected; in writing it is often even worse. My notes are sometimes sprinkled with english words, and since I had little opportunity other than to text my old friends, my Indonesian writing are now basically non-existent, though I used to be good in writing when I was in school. Moreover, even my inner thoughts- that little voice that speaks inside your mind when you're thinking or reading- often mix all three languages in a single thought; so really, there's no escape.

I do wonder why my Bahasa Indonesia capabilities is even more so affected than my English. I suppose it's because I have less opportunity to speak it. I can only speak in Bahasa to my Indonesian friends and parent, and even so I would often mix it with English. I write my blogs and do my Youtube videos in English as well, to I have always had an outlet to use it. In addition, I almost exclusively read english novels, since I can't bear to read the german ones, and the Indonesian ones aren't available.

On paper, I speak three different languages fluently, but often I felt like I speak no languages fluently at all. It is almost always mixed, because I would struggle to immediately find the right words to form a full sentence in a single language. It is a daily struggle that I don't think there's a real solution for. I have always wanted to be able to speak even more languages (my dad used to say he wanted me to be able to speak seven), but I really do wonder if it will mess me up even more. Afterall, speaking three languages is not particularly special or a lot to begin with.

xo,

Maria.